Lets face it we have all had our fair share of dark days, sadness and even feeling low but it’s important to realise when you maybe suffering a little too much. This is what I’m struggling with at the moment. In fact, something was said to me over the weekend that made me consider I may even be suffering with post natal depression. Although I am not showing any of the symptoms relating to my baby. I have had no problems bonding and would never want to hurt her so I think I’m more in what I like to call a funk. A time when all my emotions I have previously put aside all come crashing down and lead me to face them head on all in one go.
If you look at my past year, I’ve had my fair share of stress, worry and just general shite that I have had to deal with. You couldn’t have written our past few months. Illness after illness, pain after pain and illnesses thrown in again. It’s no wonder during this time I havent had much time to deal with all the pent up fellings and emotions that come with dealing with it all. Throw in a newborn and it’s complete chaos. In order to survive it and keep my family going I have had to keep a strong mind and stay focused. Now that everything is calming down it seems only natural that these feelings will surface. I now have time to think. And this may be my downfall. I think too much. I am an over thinker.
I seem to be in such a negative place right now. Personally I mean. I am unable to see anything postive about myself. My confidence has taken a huge hit and unfortunately I am struggling to pull myself out of it. Since moving away from my family and friends im feeling a little isolated. Apart from Ben and my children I have nobody here. Yes I can call my family or text my friends but it’s not entirely the same as having a physical person to talk to and spend time with.
My body confidence is pretty much zero. Ziltch! I have had 5 children. Each of them stretched me in different directions leaving me with a real over stretched tummy. Add the 4 C-Sections and the lovely over hang to add to that is incredible.
Before I fell pregant with Esmae, I lived at the gym and ate super heathy. I was a proud clean eating Vegan but somewhere down the line I’ve lost it and have fallen into the sugar and convenience of ‘chuck it in the oven’ foods. It feels as though there is just too much I need to fix but having this negaitive mind will not help me. I need to put a more positive head on and look at ways I can help myself get out of this god awful funk I seem to be stuck in.
I think the best thing to do is sort out my diet. I think this will help link in all my problems. As eating right will help me feel better in myself and lead me to start doing more exercise ( as soon as my tummy is healed) which will help my confidence and in turn will provide me with confidence in finding new friends. So why am I finding eating right so difficult?
Because my mental state. I need to change the way I think towards myself. Instead of ‘I can’t ‘ I need to replace this with ‘I can’.
I have decided that I would like to lose 1.5- 2 stone in weight. And eat clean again. The first few days of denying myself treats and sugar will be the most difficult . I think I NEED to do this. I also want to start positive thinking. And this is where I introduce Monday Morning Mantra. A weekly positive thinking mantra I intend to think and use in my entire week.
Self help is clearly my way forward for me. I feel better already writting this post. I feel as though I have let it all out. Sharing it. Although it may seem like a long moan, for me it’s rather therapeutic. I don’t like feeling down and hopeless. I plan on making a change. And the change starts now.
And on that note I will leave this post there. If you have any experience in self helping or have found other ways that have helped you with postitve thinking I would love to hear from you.
Thanks for taking the time to listen or in this case have a read. Haha.
~ Vikki ~